Will It Ever End

You know it has been 14 years since all of this with my disability started, it might have even started in high school with my back pain. I always thought that it was from me moving computers around and helping out teachers. But the worst of it started in The winter of 2000 and then 5 years later I am off welfare and on Disability not a big upgrade but one that is helping pay the bills.

But now I sit here and I wonder I am sick with the Flu going through a change of medications from my specialist and yet I am still in pain eating up the tylenols and trying not to cry. I have not slept well in days and have been in ” massive” pain and have been in a out of bed tired from the pain alone. I just wish it would end. I know my specialists goal is to get me healthy and off my pills but I just don’t see the end al I see is a dead end.

I am on so many medications that I finally had the pharmacy put them into bilster packs just help me keep track of. I always feel tired from the pain. I always want to cry but am numb and I never/hardly sleep and when I do sleep it is because my body has given out or I cannot take the pain.

I am a smart man, can do a lot in the community with technology and yet cannot even keep up with a 1 day a week job. I try to volunteer 3 days a week but my body does not always let me. I have the mind of a strainer always forgetting or loosing something. Hell I am on my 14 or 15 bank card.. lost the keys to my volunteer position, thank the Lord that they were at my sisters and am working on YouTube stuff trying to get off ODSP/Disability

I am just tired of fighting, I am tired of my medications, and I am tired of the chronic pain. I really wish that this would end. I really wish that something would go right for me.. This may sound like a cry for help and it just might be but as for me I am just venting because I sit here writing this on my mac in bed.

I feel like my disability money is a gift so I try to give back, to my family, community and just “pay it forward” and I just don’t get it why I work in pain, why I live in this condition, what did I do to deserve this? What did I do that was so bad that God had to punish me. Why I do so much for others in my short 34 year life that I don’t win.

All my life I “payed it forward” and then in the end got screwed. This may sound like a pitty party but I am entitled once and a while. I don’t know how my mother does it she is a solid rock and I am the sand. My mother with all her conditions is working 5 days a week and taking care of her family, making meals, comforting when we need a shoulder and being there for my Dad. I would not be here at this point if it was not for them, even my sister helps me out a lot we are a close family. But then why is it I feel this way it feels good to get this out but still leaves a lot of questions. I know that some day this will all work it self out but as per my drs I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.

Will It Ever End? I Don’t Know? What is Next in The Chapter of MJSiebolt? Only God Knows
Till Next Entry

Our Flickr Has Moved

Our Flickr Account Located at matthewdykstra has now moved and some of the photos have followed to http://www.flickr.com/photos/mjsiebolt

Below is all of the photos & videos I hosted at the matthewdykstra flickr account.

Is There A Grey Line?


You know there has been something on my mind in the last little while since my hard drive had a boot loop malfunction trying to install Mavricks. In that I lost about 40 gigs worth of mp3s legal and bootleg. Not to worry I only recovered from my cds and itunes account. This got me to thinking.. I am a geek/nerd/tech lover what ever you call it I am with the best of them. But.. in the world of the internet what is the line between bootleg and legal downloads.

Some people have said to me that with TV shows because they go free to air that we have a right to download them. Others like a Pastor friend of mine, won’t even listen to music or look at a  tv show or movie if it is on a burned DVD/CD but what really is the Grey area? Is there a Grey Area? Is there a line? Some might say yes that the content we are downloading belongs to someone and cost lots of money to produce and send out to us. But then again are the stores that re-sell moves, games and tv shows boot legging  as well and are we buying something illegal? I have often wondered this.

Then all of that brings up another issue YOUTUBE!!! There are so many programs both Mac and PC that allow us to download videos that really arn’t ours and really do we have the right to download? Programs that allow us to Torrent, Download and Grab files on the internet are of great technology and brought us to the era that we are in.

Lets look at the great Napster trial between Napster and Metallica which lead to the whole debate on Peer to Peer file sharing and its ramifications. Some artists came out in favour of it like Madonna but like Metallica the industry was in a up roar. CDs made it easy to share and easy to make copies of. I did it with a friend of mine and copied some of his to cassette tape (as I only had a portable tape player at the time) but even before all of this we had cassette tapes and people were coping them and what was the line then.

You see this debate is not new it just took a whole new level in the 90s with Napster, File Sharing and Downloading of programs. Lets take a look I think by now you are getting the idea but here is what I thought about when we talk about coping/downloading/bootleg

Record / Cassette / CD / MP3

  • Records to Cassette Tape
  • Cassette Tape to Cassette Tape
  • CD to Cassette Tape
  • Cassette Tape to CD though our computers
  • CD to MP3 / Cassette to MP3 (MP3, WMV, RMJ, RMA)
  • MP3 to CD both Audio and Data Discs
  • CD to DVD in the Data Disc Form

Video / VCD / DVD / Blu-Ray / MP4

  • Beta to VHS
  • VHS to VHS
  • VHS to VCD
  • VCD to DVD
  • VHS to DVD Movie Recorders
  • VHS to Data File / DVD to Data File (AVI, WMV, MP4, RMV)
  • Blu-Ray Moves to Data File (AVI, WMV, MP4, RMV)
  • Blu-Ray Movie Data Discs
  • DVD to Blu-Ray

Where is the ownership these days on the formats or media, what is the ownership on the audio and video file. Who really owns the works, the media format or the download. Is it iTunes, Amazon Prime and other such services. Is it the artists like Katy Perry or Actors Like Ellen Pompeo or even the studios like ABC, NBCUniversal etc.. Were is the fine line is it Grey or Black, Black or Blue. Those of us who have or are downloading this content are we doing something wrong.. Does over the air TV make it legal to download them.

Should we be going with 100% legal including Netflix, TV stations online (ABC, CTV, CBS, CityTV), iTunes that is a good question I keep asking but what is the fine line? Ask yourself that same question the next time you lose a ton of data and the rest will follow. I cannot tell you what to do I can only do what I can for myself

Till Next Entry


A Visit With Mom and Dad

Here We Are Visiting Mom and Dad at Darlington Provincial Park

The Embassy Church 2006 – 2013 (Photos)

I Volunteered there from September 2006 – January 2013 and helped in almost every department that I could from Young Adults all the way down to the kids I have helped them all.. Below is a list of all of the photos that I could find that I have from my days at The Embassy of the Kingdom of God Church. Enjoy!

The Embassy Church 2006 – 2013

Its Been A Sad Couple of Days for Me As I Was Sick and Been in Bed For Day 1/2 and I began to think about all of my volunteering at The Embassy Church in Oshawa.. I Volunteered there from September 2006 – January 2013 and helped in almost every department that I could from Young Adults all the way down to the kids I have helped them all.. Below is a list of all of the videos that I could find that I have from my days at The Embassy of the Kingdom of God Church. Enjoy! Videos

It’s Lilly and Ivy’s World

Photos Last Updated: September 4, 2013 1:41 AM

Camping 2013

More Photos By Christina-Maria

Happy Birthday Ivy